Am I an imposter (?)

I have plenty of ideas, but staring blankly at the bright, white screen on my laptop, I felt no motivation to write. It’s been at least a couple of weeks since I last posted. I wanted to keep my posting streak going on LinkedIn, but I just can’t seem to figure out what was holding me back from posting. I enjoy typing my ideas down and fantasise about sharing them with the world and to those I know, so, what’s stopping me?

After some time of wandering here and there and days of sitting in front of the desk and failing to type anything down, I reached a conclusion: I’m afraid of what others would think of me.

Just like many things in life, or as how we’ve been taught growing up in Asia, we got to keep a “face”, and try our best not to “lose it”. Thus, one of the most detrimental things for us to experience, in this regard, is to encounter disagreement or disapproval, as it would be a hard blow to our face or reputation. Over time, in my case, I developed a tendency to pay close attention to detail and tailor everything as best as I could. You could argue that this can be considered a strength, especially when it is highlighted and praised in the ‘requirements’ section on numerous job postings. However, more than it does to help me, it has become the rock that keeps on tripping me over and stopping me from getting things done, as I would always be questioning myself

“Is this good enough…?”

“Is this post 'worthy’..?”

“Would people like this…?”

“People around me aren’t posting stuff like this apart from the internships or jobs they’ve landed on (on LinkedIn)so, why am I posting this anyway?”

or even

“Would people think I’m stupid if I post this..? And, would they think “Who would even find this helpful?””

I’ve found myself surrounded by thoughts like these almost as soon as I came up with an idea to post or to write about, which has only gotten worse since a few weeks ago. It went from constantly re-reading and checking every single sentence I wrote, just to make sure I got the correct tenses and if I could’ve used a better word, to whether or not the ‘story’ of my post is engaging or if the idea of my post is even worth sharing.

I’m not sure if this post would resonate with anyone who is reading, but I’m just going to write and post this as a reminder for myself.

1. Nobody cares- Yes, I wanted to create value, including for the people around me, but how much of it my post contains would differ from person to person, something I cannot control. All I can do is try the best for myself, and not for the sake of others, including how they look at me. Whenever people talk to me about self esteem and confidence issues, I often reply with an explanation of the “spotlight effect”. This refers to the times when we think others are constantly paying attention to us, although they, in fact, are not. I wonder why I haven’t thought like this for my own problems yet.
2. Nobody’s perfect- This then leads to another issue around face, which is, we always try to package ourselves as best as we can. Throughout education, we’ve been taught to perfect our arguments. “Point, explain, unpack” is how one of my lecturers described it. This served me well at university as it allowed me to structure my essays better and make even more detailed, persuasive arguments, which has reflected through the steady improvement in my grades. However, in our personal life, there isn’t a magic formula to how we live and what we do, and whether that means, during the process when we are figuring out, if we would fail or to showcase ourselves under the best possible limelight. In reality, perfectionism is a never-ending pursuit. We can try to be perfect, but none of us can ever be perfect. 
3. Show your work- So, combining the impossibility of perfection with online posting, I figured it’s good to cite Austin Kleon, the author of the book “Show Your Work”, in which he argues, the focus is the process, the journey, and not the outcome. To me, this includes, potentially, the little mistakes or imperfections along the way. At the end of the day, the only person I know who would care more about this post and how many likes it gets would be nobody other than myself. So why bother with the opinions of others anyway?

Even though these are just signposts for myself when I find myself falling into the trap of imposter syndrome, perfectionism, or whatever you name it, I hope this post is valuable for whoever needs to hear this. And, to anyone who has stopped by and read this post all the way down to this point, I appreciate your time and attention so much! Do you have similar experiences to what I shared here? What have you done to solve/alleviate them? Comment below! I’m interested in hearing your opinions or any feedback you might have :)